Headstand

I remember the first time I was able to get up into headstand. In months leading up to it I recall commenting that it was too much pressure on my head, or that my arms weren't strong enough to hold my body up. With practice, and increased strength (and perhaps a few more pounds lost), I did it. And I was so excited. Now when inversions came along and everyone pulled their mat to the wall, I could go up into headstand too. I love the feeling of being balanced, it really does feel weightless, and it is invigorating. So, for months, mat pulled to wall, 10 seconds later, I'm in headstand - but I needed the wall behind me to kick up to. I didn't need it for support, once I was up, I was up and balanced away from the wall. So, my current nemesis is getting up to headstand in a controlled way so that I can do it without the wall. I am having such a tough time with this. Is it because for so long I have been kicking up? Is it not enough core strength? Is it not pressing my elbows down enough? Is it not bring my shoulders back enough? or maybe a combination. But I am determined to get this! My goal has been to be able to do this before going to Toronto in a couple weeks, but I'm not sure it's doable. I'm going to try though! Yesterday I worked on it a little in Deb's class in the morning, then after coming home very frustrated and being so hard on myself, Thad insisted on working on it with me in the afternoon in our basement yoga room. Since he's 'discovered' uddiyana bandha this week, he's convinced it's the answer to everything. I do see that sucking in my abdomen gets my legs closer and my back straighter and reminds me to use my core, but I don't think it's the whole answer to my problem. Anyway, I did do a little better with it, more controlled. Then last night we went to Yoga Center for Healthy Living in Brighton as part of Thad's teacher training (he is observing classes at 5 other studios). Lee Ann is a wonderful teacher, very nurturing and very knowledgeable. This was an Ashtanga class, something neither of us had done before. At one point there was opportunity for headstand, in the middle of the room, not against the wall. So, I gave it another try with Thad spotting me, but my arms were just too worn out from all the yoga throughout the day. I'm going to commit to working on it every day though, hoping to get it soon!